When life throws you a curve ball…

In my previous post about setting challenges for the year, I’m disappointed now to write a post to say that I have had to back down and listen to my body and make the difficult decision that I’m not in the right head space or physically strong enough to run this year.

The past few months have been filled with frequent hospital and doctors appointments and I have had an unfortunate series of ailments resulting in lack of training and a need to rest up. There is nothing more frustrating than being told ‘no exercise for 2 weeks’ and then 2 weeks later being told the same thing… particularly when the clock is ticking and there are only a matter of weeks left before a race. *I will still be running Brighton Half in February with my friend – even if she drags me round, I’m there.

So, for that reason I have decided to defer the races until next year. I have joined a new gym where I am enjoying spin classes, yoga and weight training (with my Dad, who certainly pushes me and helps me do weights the right way).

Indeed life has thrown a curve ball but it does go on and now I am focusing now on rebuilding my strength, eating a healthy diet and working on creating the important relationship between mind, body and soul. There’s no denying that I feel guilty, ashamed and disappointed that I haven’t been able to prove that I can ‘go the distance’ – but hey, that’s part of life and something that I am working on. 

A week in blissful Brecon

Mountains. Baby lambs. Cider. Log fires. Just a few reasons why you can’t beat a holiday to Wales.

Each year I go away for my birthday - the past two years I’ve visited Barcelona (and was close to making it a hat-rick in 2016), however, after a manic few months I just couldn’t deal with the hassle of airports and people - if you’ve been to Barcelona you’ll understand the anxiety provoking Las Ramblas and Example district. Albeit an amazing place, and my favourite City to venture to, 2016 just wasn’t my year for Spain.

When I was young, I visited Brecon a couple of times with my family - having an ex-military Dad we were used to quite literally being marched up mountains and being taught the importance of surviving in the wild e.g. rationing a packet of chocolate digestives and a flask of tea between 4 people over a whole day.

I remembered the amazing views from the top of the mountains - bearing in mind this holiday was over 15 years ago, the views must have been quite incredible for me to still remember them. I wanted to relive this holiday and when I told my Mum, she was pretty happy to avoid airports and take a Spring break in Wales.

So, after choosing a cottage and purchasing some new walking boots (the most expensive yet hideous shoes i’ve ever bought) we packed the car full of fleeces, woolly socks (and a case full of prosecco) and set off to the Black Mountains.

Here is how I spent my week and why everyone should head to Wales for some well deserved R&R…


Monday

It rained, and rained and rained.

We headed to the local town of Crickhowell - a small and pretty town nestled between Brecon and Abergavenny. There are some nice local delis and craft shops, but most importantly some great pubs. We ate lunch, drank local cider and warmed up by the fire in The Bear - one of our favourite pubs when we visited years ago.

We did man up and go for a short stroll in around the local hamlet - unfortunately we came across an unknown animal's carcass and a red 'danger' army flag so we quite quickly headed home. I took a LOT of photos of the lambs in the nearby field as they were the cutest things i've ever seen!!

Tuesday

Sun is shining - yay. This means a hike is on the cards…Sugarloaf it is.

My mum striding on ahead of me!

At the time I found this pretty strenuous - the sun was blazing and I hadn’t walked at such an incline for sometime. However, after climbing Pen-Y-Fan later in the week - I should never have complained about Sugarloaf. In comparison, it’s a mole hill.

I recommend this for a ‘warm up’ hike if you are going to attempt the harder mountains in Brecon.

Taking more photos of the sheep!

Important fuel at The Bell in Skenfrith.

After lunch we went to Talybont-On-Usk and walked along the towpath - this was a lovely flat walk with some superb views.

Wednesday

Waterfalls. I have awful memories of this place after seeing a whippet chase a herd of sheep around the top of the cliffs when I was younger, but I couldn’t imagine this would happen twice in a lifetime so we headed to Ystradfellte to take on the Waterfall Country once again.

We were disappointed as the waterfalls resembled the hose I use to water the hanging basket in summer - when I mentioned this to the landlord in the local pub he informed me that we had in fact missed the best part - women and maps eh?!

We drove to Cwm Porth and walked to the first waterfall on the walk Sgwd Clun-Gwyn and decided to save the rest for another day….

Tip: make sure you park at Cwm Porth or Gwaun Hepste to see the real waterfalls!

Thursday

Pen-Y-Fan. My favourite place in the world. Why? Take a look at the pics and you’ll see why.

We started at Pont Dar and headed up a deceiving path to Corn Du and then along the ridge to the summit of Pen-Y-Fan. The photos below should convince anyone why the hike is worth it.

The view back down to the starting point (about 1/8 of the way up!)

You can follow the masses and walk from the Storey Arms - this route is known as ‘the motorway’ due to it being so busy- if you aren’t an avid walker then this is the best path to follow. Otherwise you can start from Cwmgwdi and incorporate Cribyn.

Cribyn

Taking in the views of Cribyn and the lakes.

The views from the top of Pen-Y-Fan are just breathtaking. I’ve never been anywhere in the world where i’ve felt so happy and grateful for life - as cringe as it sounds. Sat at the top of a mountain and watching the clouds pass you by is really quite amazing! You have to be careful of the quick changing weather conditions when so high up- when we reached the top the skies were blue and within 2 minutes the thick cloud (in the pic below covered the top of the mountain!).

We did it!

After Pen-Y-Fan we ventured to Hay-On-Wye - a booklovers dream. We stopped for some cider and then made our way around a variety of bookstores. I found a leather engraved ‘Return of the Native’ publication which made me happy. If you are in Wales and love books then Hay-On-Wye is definitely for you!

Friday

More Waterfalls. We followed the Four Falls trail to make sure we saw the famous falls we missed out on earlier in the week. This walk is hard- they do not lie when saying it’s ‘strenuous’. In total there are about 1000 steps, steep hills, cliff edges and swamps to go through to get to each waterfall.

The achey legs were worth it for the view!

That was all we had time for on this trip - I’m already looking forward to heading back later in the year to see more of this amazing country! I have returned home feeling relaxed and healthy without any unnecessary stresses that travelling abroad can often present.

If you have any recommendations on places I missed in Brecon or surrounding areas, please let me know.

Dr Seuss was so right

'Step with care and great tact, and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act' - Dr Seuss

March is over. What did I learn? Dr Seuss was right - life is a great balancing act.

The past month has disappeared before my eyes - not that i'm complaining - April is my favourite month of the year. The evenings are brighter, the daffodils are out and it's my birthday. However, March wasn't bad, I focused on getting the right balance in my life which has helped with my mental wellbeing during what could have been a very stressful few weeks - interviews, illness and project deadlines.

A good balance for me is finding control of internal factors (my mind and health) and external factors (work, socialising and fun).  To ensure that I don't let a stressful time get me down and take control of my happiness, I incorporate all the factors above into my weekly planner. If i don't, then I will suffer - getting bogged down by the stresses any young professional faces in the City.

As a society, our lives are jam-packed and it can often feel impossible to have headspace. It's possible. I've listed below a few things that have helped me this month to find balance when things were, at some points, feeling a little tense:

Leave work at work
I've started to leave my blackberry at work. I can respond to an email late at night to show i've read it but 99% of the time I can't action it. This isn't slacking - in fact, if i get to work at 8:45 and read my emails before 9 and action them in working hours - this is far more productive than reading it at night and having to read it again first thing.  So, leave blackberry and laptop at work and a lot of stress is eliminated.  I spend over 9 hours a day at work but I need some 'me time' to recuperate!

Weekly treat
Once a week, I buy myself a treat. Not anything expensive or super materialistic (I keep it to under £5), but something small to cheer me up. This month I treated myself on a Friday, they included;  the new honey-blossom macchiato from Starbucks, a new lipstick,  a colourful bunch of flowers, a lush bathbomb and a new notepad. This idea has definitely curbed by shopping addiction!

Flowers and new nails

Bath bomb and candle = ultimate relaxation

Start a new book
I love nothing more than reading a good book. I've started reading 'The Mistake I Made' after falling victim to the billboard advertisements on the tube. I'll write a review once i've finished it - it's worth the energy - I can't put it down. So much so that I'm looking forward to my hour commute tomorrow morning to read a few more chapters.

Travel
I went to Manchester to visit my brother and his wife. It may not be a million miles away but I had a lovely weekend - a northern chippy, copious amounts of prosecco and a manicure resulted in a wonderful weekend. I've also started planning my 2017 holiday to South America - hiking to Machu Picchu has always featured on my bucket list so i'm excited this is finally in the pipeline!

Meal out  - delish!

Plan, plan, plan!
This month I made a plan. A list of what I wanted to achieve at work, what I want to achieve outside of work and what I would do if I got an unexpected bout of the blues.  I also documented my career goals to help me stay focused and motivated when I feel swamped with never-ending projects. Nothing feels better than ticking of your to-do list and seeing how much you've achieved when you look back.

Make a plan, follow it for a month and it will become habitual- you'll feel balanced, motivated and satisfied. Trust me!

What helps you find balance in your life?

Annabel x

Why honesty is the best policy

As we draw towards the end of February, it dawned on me that 2016 has already been a better year than last because I have put into practice what I learnt during 2015.

Finding headspace

What did I learn? That honesty really is the best policy – and here is why:

Honesty with others and honesty with yourself – two essentials in order to live a happy and successful life. Despite not feeling ‘quite right’ it’s easy to kid yourself and everyone around you that everything is fine – I am in a happy relationship, my friends are all great, I love my job, I have a healthy balance – so why do I feel so rubbish?

I’ll put this into context:
Last year I hit an all-time low – I was constantly upset, I found no pleasure in doing anything, I isolated myself from my friends and I couldn’t focus on my job. I spent every day fixated on how I looked, what I ate and doing anything I could to get rid of calories consumed. I arranged my life around gym classes and I looked in every mirror or window I walked past to see how ‘fat’ I looked. I spent over a year like this, progressively getting worse and it took for me to be honest to myself that there was a problem to make the first step to recovery.

So, I admit I have a problem but what next?

The next step is the hardest – telling others.

When you book that first appointment with your GP, your mind will become chaotic - filled with thoughts like;

Will they think I’m lying because I don’t look sick?

Will people think I’ve failed at life?

Will people blame my upbringing?

Will people think I’m weak?

I look fine on Instagram and Facebook 

The answer to these questions? Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. But who cares? For me, I would rather people know why sometimes I am sometimes the life and soul of party yet sometimes I refuse to leave my bedroom. Or, why I’m nearly 27 and I still live at home. Or, why I cancel plans last minute. It’s because I have a mental illness that I’m working hard to recover from, not because I don’t enjoy my friends company or that I am lazy. I may look like I’m having the time of my life on Instagram and Facebook but that doesn’t mean there isn’t an inner struggle. This is true for a lot of people – we are all human - we aren’t perfect, and nor will we ever be.

Why did I think these things in the first place? Because unfortunately there is still a prevalent stigma around mental illness.

The truth is…
The people who matter, care and these people want to help. And help is available.

Yes, the mental health service may be inundated and NHS treatment may be limited but there are already things in place that help - the Government do have plans to improve services (the Mental Health Taskforce will hopefully kick start this).

The point is, until you are honest to yourself that you need help, you won’t get it.

Be open with your friends, your family and those closest to you. I won’t admit this is easy by any means – in fact; I was drunk when I opened up to my best friend and beyond desperate need of help and support when I told my Mum.

I felt humiliated to state the true; but they both supported me and were glad I had opened up rather than struggle anymore. My Mum and Dad helped fund private therapy and I was lucky to have a very helpful and caring GP who saw me every 2 weeks for a medication assessment and general catch up.
It’s crazy to think that I couldn’t speak to those closest to me – the stigma around mental illness sacrificed my honest and open nature and I let it defeat me for over 12 months? That’s why I want to do something about it and help others however I can to not be afraid to speak up.

There are a lot of people around you who are suffering – when I wrote my first blog post about why I run – I was overwhelmed with the Facebook messages I got from people saying they could relate to it and well done for being so honest.

What about my job?
Disclosing your diagnoses to your employer is a subject of contentious debate. I can only recommend based on my decision to give the truth as to why I had been signed off. Since that day, I am now enjoying work more than ever before and probably working to the best of my ability. I feel supported by my team and if I hit a bad day or week then I know I have someone to speak to.

After having some time off to get help and moving back home with my parents, I returned to work.
And yes, I did feel like I had ‘crazy’ written across my forehead when I walked through reception but within minutes I felt myself, I felt that I wasn’t hiding anything and that I could be myself. I had never felt this before.

I’m not sure what was scarier, speaking to my Mum or speaking to my boss. Either way, I’m very happy I did both.

So if you think you are suffering from depression, anxiety, an eating disorder or any other mental health worries then be honest. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Not only will you have made the bravest decision you could make but you will have made the first step on your journey to recovery. I am so glad I opened up because it scares me to this day what state I would have ended up in if I hadn’t.

One day, the stigma will be gone. For good.

Annabel x

Some useful websites:
Mind – Mind have a great service called Elefriends – you can anomalously speak to other sufferers of mental health illness for support and reassurance.
Rethink – lots of information about various types of mental health illnesses

Disclaimer:
I am writing and sharing my journey as a form of expression, self-help and help to others.  This is a personal blog and the opinions expressed here solely represent my own. While I hope you find reading this interesting, please note that you are reading at your own free will. Feel free to comment in all posts, however, I reserve the right to delete any comments that are seen as rude or abusive. 

About me

Surrey girl writing about my life, struggles with mental health and anything else that inspires me to write - running and the outdoors, food, exploring mindfulness, yoga, my obsession with sports kit , my cat, books and anything else that positively impacts my journey.

I want to help other people who are also struggling with mental health by being honest with my feelings, emotions and experiences. If I can help just one person then I feel this blog has served its purpose. 

Annabel xo

Why do I run?

Beating the blues- one mile at a time.

In January I had a eureka moment. I joined Mind's team to take on the Royal Parks half marathon.

Since I first watched the London marathon in real life I had a desire to run it - although it's only been in the last 18 months (and the last 6 months especially) that I have started to take fitness a lot more seriously. I said to myself that day, if James Argent can run a marathon than surely I can. This may seem like a strange comparison to you, however, at the time he ran I was well and truly Arg-obsessed.

9 months - surely that's enough time to get myself fit enough to get a good time? Well, I started doing more running, joined a girls only running club and in a moment of 'idontevenknow' I signed up to the Hackney Half that takes place in just 12 weeks time to give myself a not-so-distant goal to focus on.

Why?

Well, since I have taken up running I am focused on the amazing things my body can do. For example, sprinting up a hill, running 10km continuously, or having the confidence to turn up at a running club where I knew no one. 

This may not seem like a big deal to most but for someone who lacks confidence and has suffered a 10 year battle with anxiety and depression (provoked by food, body image and low self-esteem) this is in fact a very big deal. 

Instead of focusing my mind constantly on how many calories I eat, or how much my weight fluctuates between the morning and the night and letting my mood be determined on this, I am now focused on how many miles I run, or if I have had enough of the right food to run the distance. I am starting to see my body in a positive light - my legs aren't as slim as I once wanted but they sure are strong enough to get me up some steep hills, around a 10km course and hopefully a 13.1 mile  race in 3 months.

A best friend of mine, Lou has also sparked motivation within our friendship group when it comes to achieving once impossible seeming goals. Lou is a radiator - always radiating positivity, love and happiness. Most recently she has impressed us all with her motivation and determination to run this year's London Marathon as the chosen runner for the This Girl Can campaign. You can follow her journey here and see why she is a hero to us all! 

Setting myself goals has given me a sense of purpose, a release of endorphins and new found confidence that I have lacked for 26 years.

So that is why I have set myself some goals this year and have dusted off my running shoes!

Have you set yourself goals or started a new hobby this year that are helping your mindset?